hospital food

So I'm finally back after vegetating in the hospital for one week because of a mild case of dengue, after missing a week's worth of classes, being hooked (and overdosing) on the IV, and well, getting sick of hospital food.

You'd appreciate the taste of a McDonald's cheeseburger after a week of almost uncooked veggies; though some of the breakfasts made up for it.

philosophy

So there we were, discussing the unaswerable question "What is Philosophy", which cannot be really answered either (like all other things in Philo, accdg. to Russell's essay). And when we got to the question "What is the value of Philosophy?", everybody's answer ranged from the essence of questioning to the definition of value in that particular sentence. Since, again, no completely right answers in Philo, the question continued to float around my conciousness until the ride home.

Then it struck me; the comparison that seems the most right for me (it's the nearest that I can come to an answer).

Maybe, Philosophy is like life. "Why live when we are going to die?" seems almost parallel to the principle of Philo that "Why ask questions when you know that it is just an endless search for the truth?" As Edmund Hillary once answered (on the reason why he decided to climb Everest): "It is there." It's probably the only thing that might separate us from animals; we question, we philosophize, even if it is utterly futile to do so in the constraints of society. It is human nature to ask why, and why not.

And maybe, these questions and this act of questioning will bring about change. For there are no right answers; change may be the nearest that we can get to an answer.

I hope I can be a part of it; no, I will become a part of it.

duality

My head is spinning. Lack of sleep, perhaps.

He hasn't logged on today. For what reason, I don't know; probably he went back home, or a night out with his friends. He probably told them last night, before he logged out, on whether he was going to play today or not. He was gone when I returned last night.

Status messages fill the chatbox.

And I am going insane. Silence fills the once noisy box; noisy in the context of voiceless playing where words speak for oneself. This made-up world seems all so real, and sometimes I feel that I would gladly trade it for the real one. If only if it was to be with him.

Diffuclt, to define what's real and not.

delirium

Words flow out like water. I am in the midst of a few conversations, but strangely enough, I still find meaning and solace in this blank text box waiting to be filled. Intermittent chats punctuate my musings, but I do not complain; sometimes these are all that I can hang on to. Silly as that may sound, but nonsense becomes meaningful when you are empty.

And fishies are soon to swim on the horizon.

deutsch 14+15

The rumors that a German prof was going to handle Deutsch 14+15 was true; we met Frau Mende earlier, and yes, she's still not used to the weather. She apologized for not being there on the first day of classes: she only arrived in Manila Tuesday night; some mix up of schedules I believe. She's pretty young too: only 26 and it's her first time in this crazy country with a charm all its own.

She explained that in perfect German; in her words (well one of the few English sentences that she said during the whole period): "My English is not quite perfect and my Tagalog is nonexistent." We only half-understood everything that she said; mostly from context clues and the remnants of our Wortschatz. Not that she's a bad teacher, but she should go a bit easy on us in the meantime (as Jevic mentioned, she's already speaking to us as if we were in Deutsch 30+31 already).

Plus she gave us an assignment. Good luck to us.

flickerlight

The astronomer peeks at his telescope
But what am I to him?

I am only the flickering star
Not even seen
In this night.

I exist merely as a small pulse
A wave
Barely felt in the vastness of the cosmos.

I am only given a number:
OGLE-TR-122B.
This number defines my existence;
Not even enough to warrant a proper name.
After all, I shine not enough.

Yet probably, to the astronomer
through his telescope,
I am his star
The one he found on a lonely night atop a mountain observatory.

moodswung

I think it's just one of those mornings that no matter how hard you try, the sun doesn't just seem to shine so brightly and the air's all so gloomy and stuff. A morning, even with the scent of cinnamon and coffee, doesn't seem to go all well. And all that for no concrete reason at all; just waking up and not even deciding to be emo because it didn't need a decision on your part. It's just because it is.

But outside, you try to get along with the flow of the world, for it won't stop for you anyway. And slowly you wish that'd if fade in the course of the day, but it's highly unlikely that it would; after all, night will still fall and you'll be alone at the end.

Moodswings may pass, but they don't totally go away.

indie day

This'll probably be the weirdest Independence day that I've had so far, since it's also the first day of classes for us. For one, it's supposed to be a non-working holiday; and it's a Tuesday: I almost followed my MTh sked. I only realized that I was looking at my MTh sked when we were already talking about PE and prerog. Thanks Vic and Dheu for the reminders.

Like it mattered; only my Archaeo 2 class met and we were dismissed after around 10 mins (or the time that it took us to fill up the classcard and get the syllabus). I like the ASP room; filled with the shattered remnants of lost civilizations, cold aircontditioning, and a smorgasboard of junk and treasure. Perfect in my eyes.

I kinda skipped my Chem1; the "no class today" message was odd. It had my section on it but a diff time. Well, I paid for it already, so they can't cancel my slot. Besides, Dheu was commenting how she was always late+absent and still not dropped, getting a 2.00 in the process. Just in case, I have 5 absences left. lol

Our German 14+15 prof is still a mystery; but Jevic says that he/she might be a new prof. A foreigner, to boot, which will be a double-edged sword since a) he/she may be a native speaker of the language and b) at least it's not the terror prof but c) the accent and the teaching method may be vastly different and d) everybody's Deutsch is rusty (Jefra: Inaral ko lang yung "Ich habe vergessen." That's I have forgotten in Deutsch). We missed Frau Neri because of that; she was the only prof that I had that was never late in any of her classes.

And yes, you can now call me "Ate" irl if you're a freshie. I'm free from the freshie label! But god, now I feel so old.

'fessing up

I admit it, I am not good at 'fessing up. I tried to tell him last night, but with a poorly constructed figure of speech he (I think) misread it, and well, it got nowhere. I was nearly in tears because of that, but then, I could never manage to be sad when he's around. Like a picker-upper drug I, well, just smiled and laughed afterwards like nothing has happened.

Well he won't be online for a few days. Enough time to get my bearings.